opinion

Gargantuan Cock Public Toilet

Gram Ponante
Because I am so goddamn important, I receive approximately 1,000 spam messages a day, some from mortgage companies, others from Nigeria, others from All Media Play. And I read all of them, because in each there is always a fragment of truth.

Today a message arrived with the heading "You king" and related a story of loss and redemption:

Girls always giggled at me and even guys did in the public toilets! Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Mega Dik For 4-6 months and now my dick is much bigger than "average" size.

Line 1: Paints a dramatic picture of a country where both girls and guys get together in public toilets for giggling sessions. Probably in Europe.

Line 2: Taking Mega Dik caused the writer to invent the verb "giggl", which he would engage in in public restrooms, against women and men.

Line 3: Mega Dik caused such an injury to the writer's cognitive functioning that he (or she - maybe that's why men giggled at her penis size) had no idea how long he/she took it. He/she also puts the word "average" in quotes, indicating that an average-sized dick is actually small.

This spam tells me that the world is tough enough without people going to co-ed bathrooms looking for trouble. If we imagine men and women taking this product to increase their dick size for the sole purpose of returning to this lavatory network to giggle at people with smaller dicks on a semi-annual cycle, you can understand why my next movie will be called Gram Ponante's European Gargantuan Cock Public Toilet.

Because, given how big those girls' dicks will be in three years, they won't even be able to fit into the stalls.

Previously: Katja Kassin in Viva La Van; Still life with Santa, toilet; Skater Girl Fever; How to make me read your spam; What spam tells us about porn

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