opinion

Yeti Watch 2005

Gram Ponante
I think Platinum X's Brandon Iron writes his own press releases. At least I hope he does (if he doesn't, please let me know via my almost-certainly ill-fated comments section).

Baker's Dozen #4 involves what we in the know call "facials". I don't know if there is somebody involved in the production named Baker or if there are 13 people performing (a true baker's dozen is 13, as we all know from Home Economics - I haven't been in school for a while, so I'm sure it's now called Homeland Economics). Iron describes one facial thusly:

"HILLARY SCOTT returns with a messy multi-facial that leaves her resembling some weird frozen yeti from the Arctic with icicles hanging off her gorgeous mug."

I look at this attractive young woman on the boxcover and I want to shake her. I want to say, "Do you know you are about to become a weird frozen yeti?"

This is what I will say to my mail-order bride, the Uruguayan cum activist La Cabeza. I will say, "Be the weird frozen yeti again. Tonight. Be her. For the love of God, La Cabeza, won't you please be her?"

I can't begin to tell you how much joy these descriptions give me. Here's another one:

"LUCY THAI balks at first but continues on with her mission to become a better whore. Living is learning...and she now holds a Ph.D in cum eating. You can lead a horse (or actress) to water (or cum) and make her drink it!"

I will probably not see this film. But you should.

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