opinion

Plucky Gonorrhea to antibiotics: "Porn has made me strong"

Gram Ponante
Gonorrhea, like the Spartans in 300, has overcome fierce opposition and prevailed, proving resistant to traditional treatment in over five percent of cases in 26 cities, including Los Angeles.

The Centers for Disease Control have recommended that fluoroquinolones, a family of antibiotics that include ciprofloxacin, ofloxacin, and levofloxacin, no longer be used to treat the disease, which is second only to Chlamydia in infectious diseases reported in the United States.

Instead, the CDC now recommends cephalosporin injections, as opposed to the previous method, which was oral doses of fluoroquinolones.

A few days ago I was called to suggest a last-minute replacement performer for the filming of what will be a very big movie. "X has Gonorrhea," I was told. "It's going around again."

I caught up with Gonorrhea at CDC headquarters in Atlanta. Earlier in the afternoon there had been a small ceremony at which the feisty, green-discharge-characterized disease had been awarded its Five Percent Resistance trophy.

GP: Dude, how do you feel?

Gonorrhea: Awesome, Dude. It's - well, this sounds like I'm conceited - but it's really validating. I mean, it's really a milestone -

GP: Since 1993 -

Gonorrhea: Yeah, since 1993 they've been doing the oral fluoroquinolones thing, and people were all like 'Just one dose and I'm on my way'. People really didn't pay much attention.

GP: Do you think they'll pay attention now?

Gonorrhea: Oh, we'll see, Dog.

GP: Like "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Dog?

Gonorrhea: I don't know why I say that. I call everybody Dog now. Like 'You're the Man now, Dog.' It sounds -

GP: It sounds a little affected.

Gonorrhea: I think that -

GP: It sounds like something Chlamydia might say.

Gonorrhea: I know. I should just -

GP: You should just take a look around and say, 'Unlike Chlamydia, the CDC now recommends I be treated with injections' -

Gonorrhea: You're right. Grams, you're right.

GP: The fuck away from me.

Gonorrhea, or "The Clap", is one of the most common maladies within the Porn world. Adult Industry Medical (AIM), which administers the brunt of the medical tests that clear performers for work, includes a Gonorrhea/Chlamydia test within its $120 adult performer special.

Previously: Lighthouse 1, Hansen's Disease 0

See also: CDC Changes Recommendations for Gonorrhea Treatment Due to Drug Resistance (sciencedaily), Adult Industry Medical

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