opinion

Britney Rears: Special Victims Unit

Gram Ponante
With the recent announcement that Britney Rears co-star Jasmine Byrne will play the title character in Adam & Eve's J-Ho: Jenny on the Cock, the Britney Rears series is beginning to be a spinoff engine like "All in the Family" (which spawned "Archie Bunker's Place", "The Jeffersons", "Maude", "Gloria", "704 Hauser", and "227") or "Love: American Style" (from which sprang "Happy Days", "Laverne and Shirley", "Joanie Loves Chachi", and "Mork & Mindy").

"We are hoping that J-Ho is not the 'AfterM*A*S*H' to Britney's 'M*A*S*H'," sources close to the production did not say. "But we would be satisfied if Jasmine's movie was the 'Silver Spoons' to Britney's "'Diff'rent Strokes'".

To this mix we can now add Brooklyn-based guy-who-played-the-cameraman-in-Britney Rears 3 Lu Bricate's Lu's Kuntrol (get it?), featuring Katie Gold, Trina Michaels, Jayna Oso, and Chiquitta.

Bricate does not participate in the action, but instead "hosts" the movie with Katie Gold.

Since being from Brooklyn is funny (remember "Welcome Back, Kotter"?), Bricate's easy "When do I get to bang you?" banter with Gold provides interstitial fodder between sex scenes.

As industry insiders will tell you, anything that Britney Rears touches turns to pure magic. But the burning question remains: Who is the "Fish" to her "Barney Miller"?

Previously: Open bar at the Rears place; I submit to Britney Rears; Hillary Scott's many faces; Derby Day for Memphis Monroe

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