opinion

Squirting and terrorism

Gram Ponante
Shane's World is releasing The Great American Squirt-off, a competition between the likes of Flower Tucci, Cytherea, Angela Stone, Felony, and others to determine which of them squirts farthest, most frequently, most copiously, and most fragrantly.

Squirting competitions have been around since Biblical times. Check out this passage from the Epistle of St. Paul to the Ephesians (3:18):

You may be able to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth...

You don't need to be a theologian to figure out what that means. Of course the Bible, like the Constitution, is open to interpretation, but no one doubts the explicit references to squirting in every Amendment from the sixth through the 15th.

Anyway, Ron Jeremy and Leah Luv judged this competition, which is not to be confused with The Great American Chertoff, about how the Department of Homeland Security is dealing with the problems of terrorist cells in the United States by means of female ejaculation.

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