opinion

Where everybody knows your lube

Gram Ponante
Doc (not a real doctor) Johnson, in his quest to keep his finger on the pulse of the lube-using public, has turned to the world of distilled spirits for inspiration.
"Doc’s Cocktails™ are served in five flavors: Fuzzy Navel, Mimosa, Cosmopolitan, Sour Apple Martini, and Mojito. While Doc Cocktails ™ are colored to resemble the beverages they are patterned after, the lubes are non-staining and alcohol-free."
How many times has Last Call passed or the last drop of Triple Sec been drained from my cupboards to leave me with only a bottle of traditional lube?

"You want to go for a nightcap, Baby?" I'll say to the indifferent and tubercular Euro-model I meet in New York next week. "...on my cock?"

As you know, with great tubs of lube comes great responsibility. I'm hoping the good doctor will devote some energy to creating rice-flavored lube for developing countries or low-fat creme filling lube for the doughnuts I so often crave.

Doc’s Cocktails™ come in two-ounce dispensers. You're probably good for half that.

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