opinion

Jenna: "King (of Kings) Me."

Gram Ponante
Jenna Jameson's image recently appeared in a checkers game in Florida, prompting Mary, Mother of God, to quip, "Why do I only get tacos?"

The 2021-Year-Old Virgin has had difficulty distributing her image, often settling for clamshell fountains, burritos, or steam patterns on institutional windows.

"If My Son only worked half as hard as Jay Grdina, I'd at least have a ReganBooks deal by now," bitterly observed the Holy Grail from the condensation on a caipirinha glass in Petropolis, Brazil.

Jameson, a nude image of whom turned up in several deluxe checkers games at a Winn-Dixie in DeLand, Florida, said she was "offended and very upset" that her picture, licensed for an adult-oriented key chain, was included in a product meant for children.

“While it appears that the use of my image was inadvertent," Jameson said, "this was a serious mistake and I want to personally apologize to families that have been affected."

Promotions Unlimited Corp. imported the game from China and placed blame for the error solidly with the teeming factory workers there.

The Catholic Church has approached the factory to secure placement of the Virgin Mary in higher-end products like those peg games you find at Cracker Barrel.

Following her visitation in DeLand, Jameson will be materializing to devotees at June's Exxxotica Miami show.

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