opinion

The jellied hand of destiny

Gram Ponante
Because North Carolina's Adam & Eve is an educating, sex-positive company, they make customers feel good about the decision to stick their products inside themselves.

Take this vibrating blue jelly hand, for example.

If your girl is into The Other (and whose girl isn't?), you are guaranteed that your eager mail-order bride/"person you're showing around the industry" will not substitute her love for you with desire for the company of a novelty.

Were this a flesh-colored device crafted from some kind of "realistic" material, how soon do you think it would be before she fled to Oregon with the lady next door who has a wood shop in her garage?

Instead, the Helping Hand Vibe looks like something sealed underground at Area 51 after the alien autopsy. You can say: "You into extraterrestrials, baby?"

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