opinion

Tranny Kept A Rollin'

Gram Ponante
Defiance Films has announced that, for a little more money, porn stars will do anything.

"I wanted this to be the best Tranny movie possible," said director Vincent Voss, wiping away a tear.

The company says it paid five A-list porn stars, including Cytherea and Cindy Crawford, a bonus rate for their participation in Trantastic (not to be confused with Trontastic, in which Asia Carrera fucks some vector graphics), which is to be released in January.

The company is being characteristically coy about who else is in the picture, leading me to be characteristically speculative. That sure looks like Glenn Danzig in the silhouette. And I think Gavroche from Les Miserables is blowing him.

I asked various Internet wags for the first word that came to their head upon hearing the news that Cytherea was going to be in a tranny picture (note: most gave an answer followed by "is that one word?") Here are the results:

1. "Ewwww."

2. "Crack-whore. Is that one word?"

3. "Queasyness. Is that a word?"

4. "Cocaine."

5. "Go-getter."

6. "Well, I'm sure there's some German word that, in one word, can explain my feeling of disgust, yet convey my overall feeling that I'm not surprised and that you'd need to staple my eyeballs open to watch it. But the closest thing the English language can offer is... Ewwwww."

7. "WHAT?"

8. "Weird."

9. "Crackwhore."

10. "Curious."

11. BSGPR's Brian Gross: "Train Kept A Rollin'." (I don't get it.) "The word Tranny makes me think of that song. Not sure if anyone has done Tranny Kept A Rollin'. Someone is going to steal that and make money. I will be disappointed if profits aren't shared." (You should have seen my reaction when I heard XBiz was starting a video magazine.)

12. Defiance's Keith O'Connor: "Ching Ching."

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