opinion

The Other Eight Functions

Gram Ponante
Doc Johnson has released (or re-released, because these things are starting to look very familiar) a ten-setting vibrator, known as the Thumper.

The Thumper comes in 5" or 7" models in red and purple and, according to the press release, allows women to take control of their own pleasure. Well that's a relief, because I'm sick of doing everything around here.

The settings range from "soft purr" to "frantic buzz", says the unaccredited Dr. Johnson, and, as the vibes are waterproof, I'm assuming the remaining eight functions will allow me to perform several household tasks including beat eggs, snake drains, and hose cum into the arroyo.

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