opinion

The Scales of Horror

Gram Ponante
"Every girl must eat her own cream pie," is the pitch for JM Productions' Irritable Bowel Syndrome, due on October 10. That sounds like the mnemonic for a clef in Hell.

I can only think of a few things more disgusting to me, personally, than eating one's own cream pie (one involves very old aquarium water and the other features a publicist I know) but the public relations team at JM is top notch, and they provide several solid reasons why you should watch Gram Ponante Towers' lunchlady Ashley Blue and Sierra Sin do and have done to them horrifying things.

"Sure, we didn't cure any diseases," states JM owner Jeff Steward, "But each one of these girls gets brutally cornholed and is forced to eat the rancid cumshot out of their own ass. I'm sure that helps society somehow. It has to."

As a First Amendment patriot, I support free expression even if some of it makes my testicles recede halfway to James Thurber's hometown of Columbus, Ohio. I also support anything that helps Ashley Blue with her car troubles.

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