opinion

Let's Talk About Penis Size

Holly Randall
So let's talk about a very serious subject. A subject that probably occupies far too much time in the heads of most men, and a subject that my job admittedly makes into a bigger deal than it really should be. I'm talking, my friends, about penis size.

If there is one physical trait that men measure each other up with more than any other, it's definitely penis size. It's the one wild variable that can either break or make a man's self-esteem, regardless of his other physical traits. If a guy is fat and unattractive, a large penis will undoubtedly lessen the impact of these evils. And if a man is handsome, tall and athletic, a small penis will override these fantastic qualities to a point where he may as well wear a paper bag over his head and spend the rest of his life on the couch, eating Twinkies and watching bad reality TV. Right?

Wrong. Or so I believe. And when it comes to the very delicate matter of penis size, I am very thankful I'm not man, because this is one issue that can't be helped. As a woman, if I'm born with small, floppy tits, I can go out and buy myself an expensive boob job and wear low-cut t-shirts with all the confidence in the world.

But a man with a small penis? I don't care how many "supplements" you take, or how often you use a penis pump, but your four-incher isn't going to grow to porn star size.

A friend of mine likes to joke that men who want to "take it slow" in a relationship don't actually respect you, nor do they want to "get to know you" before you two jump in the sack. He's just waiting until you're emotionally invested in him until he shows you his small penis. He needs to know that you've entrusted him with your deepest, darkest secrets before he introduces you to Tiny Tim, which several weeks of chick flick nights and foot massages ago, might have sent you running for the hills.

And I know that the adult industry doesn't really help men with this conflict. I know that when men watch porn and see these gorgeous women begging for the guy's "big, fat cock," that they can't help but compare themselves to this stud that seems to be giving these girls so much pleasure. It can seem that the only way to truly please a woman is to walk around with a Mandingo-sized appendage swinging about to and fro. But you can breathe a sigh of relief guys, because I'm here to tell you that this is simply not true.

As ironic as it may seem, I think that growing up with parents who are in the porn industry, and now being in it myself, I've secured a pretty healthy distinction between the fantasy of porn sex, and the reality of real sex. Because I see the way most performers act in between rolling: the girl is bored and examining her nails, while the guy is left to his own devices. He is feverishly masturbating, trying to get hard so we can finish the scene and go home. When the cameras aren't on, she usually isn't paying the guy any attention whatsoever. But once I yell "action" again, suddenly she can't get enough of his throbbing cock. That is not real sex, and as a viewer, it's important to your sex life to make that distinction.

I often find that men I date are concerned that I desire well-endowed men, because I am around them so much at work. But I would like to make this clear: I do not wish for, nor do I fantasize about, porn-sized cocks. In fact, large penises actually hurt me, so I prefer them to be in the spectrum of average size. There's nothing sexy about having your cervix continually poked, or going raw after only about seven minutes. In fact, I find that men with large penises often aren't very good in bed. It's almost as if they believe the size of their penis alone constitutes a good time, and they don't really have to put any effort into it themselves. They have large penises, so the sex has to be amazing, right? It's as if they can just lie back and proclaim: "Jump on and enjoy my unusually large manhood! Who needs to lift a finger with this gift to womankind? Not I!"

But when I look back at some of the best sex I've had, rarely has it been with a large penis. It has been with passionate men who desire to please me, or intelligent partners who know how to engage in sex of the mentally adventurous. Or simply, it has been with men that I was truly in love with.

There are women who are size queens out there, but so what? Why do you think they are size queens? Probably because their vagina is so large and stretched out you could throw a football through it. Save yourself for the tight girls who will appreciate you for not ripping apart their vaginal walls. And who might actually appreciate you for more than just your penis size.

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