Whew whee!  It's been a while since I last logged in and you've probably been wondering "Where has Kim been? Has she run out of JOTBs?" Well, the good news is that I have NOT fallen off my motorcycle, The Big Vibe, and that I have been really busy with all things sex, GrandOpening.com and if you're reading this, probably the same goes for you! I mean, February 14th is always the big jackpot day in our business - Valentine's Day - and I hope yours was filled with love and lots of sales!

So where do I start? New Year's 2012 rang in and right now, the winter snows are being held at bay this year. Good news for sex toy shoppers, bad news for ski resorts, though. So let's start out at the beginning of the year...

The weekend of January 7 and 8 in Burbank, CA kicked off with the ANME Founder's Show (aka just the "The Founder's Show") where there was plenty of free flowing booze the night before the heavy buying action took place on Saturday for the qualified retail buyers in attendance. It's such a pleasure to schmooze with everyone, catch up on the "who's working for who" industry shuffle (always entertaining to keep track of), learn hints about what's going to be unveiled 12 short hours later when the show opens. I really love this industry - we all get along even though we are all competitors in the same business. 

The show opened bright and early Saturday with a few new faces and companies as well as the ol' stalwarts who have been doing the show for years. There were new technologies presented (Can you say "QR codes"?), new products (more on that in a minute) and a few new faces, too.

Let's go into more detail...

The ANME Founders: California Exotic Novelties, Doc Johnson, Nasstoys, Pipedream Products and Topco had some of the largest booths as they always do. Cal introduced several new toys in beautiful packaging and continued with heavy marketing for their high end Jopen line featuring the whiz-bang electro-stim "Intensity" vibe. Doc Johnson presented really intelligent staff training tools including poured, sample mini penises that are made of the different materials that Doc uses for their goodies as well as PLENTY of written material that can be shared with staff. Attention Bricks and Mortar folks: My two bits on this training program which is called "School of Doc" - USE IT FREQUENTLY to train your staff about these materials with knowledge that can be applied to pretty much every toy available in your store. The material is smart, funny, and extremely useful since the printed matter are basically giveaways for your staff and customers. If you can't get these important training materials from your distributor, get in touch with Doc Johnson themself and they'll probably be happy to supply you with them. 

Back to the show: Topco presented technology and social media meets sex toys with popular webcam chicks getting masturbators made of their privates (more on this later in the blog). Nasstoys continued to roll out reasonably priced, nicely designed and quiet toys. Pipedream kicked out even more stylish packaging in all of their categories and rolled out their much anticipated and long overdue Plan-O-Gram program.

There were, of course, lots of other really cool products and companies represented at the show. NS Novelties, spearheaded by the New Sensations DVD company, unveiled over 100 new products, some of them familiar and some of them sporting creative designs. Standard Innovation, the folks who brought you the We-Vibe and many other fine products, have upped their game with the new, remote controlled We-Vibe that can be worn when one goes out grocery shopping and no one will ever know. Need to walk right past the Haagen-Dazs section of the freezer? Simply slip this on and in, hit the variable speed remote control and voila! You have experienced pleasure without calories, my friend!  Paradise Marketing and Trojan wowed the crowd with the new Midnight Collection vibes that twist in the middle and are in an undescribable deep purple color, never mind that they are being promoted with a pretty cool, 3D postcard. Nice touch... bring 'em into your store and watch the customers' eyes widen when they see the Trojan brand on sex toys...

OhMiBod presented many new products which, while being publicly displayed for the first time, are not yet on the market. Of course, yours truly managed to snag some of them so I'll report on them as soon as they are out there... hint: they're being promoted by Kandi Buress of "The Real Wives of Atlanta" and they're super nice and classy...

So after two days of the ANME Show, our own XBIZ Retail Expo took over with different companies and distributors taking part. RodeoH was there, SCB Distributors (great, classy, explicit and HOT books that are hard to find) and a few new sparkling companies selling their wares to even more buyers.

As always, the XBIZ Retail Show had several workshops that focused on retailer's needs and the highlight, I must say, was the "3 Minute Showoffs" which proved not only entertaining, but extremely interesting. I was one of two judges (the other being "Sex Toy" Dave) and we were able to dish products "American Idol" style, after the products' manufacturers tried to wow us over with a, you guessed it, 3 minute show off. The competition was fierce, there were some great products shown, some that were yawners (I personally think there are enough glass dildos out there, folks), and a few WTF items which, who knows, might become your best sellers... ya never know.

The top winner was Topco who, in my own opinion, is cleverly moving forward with QR technology, webcam starlets' popularity, and other cutting edge technologies and meshing them with, well, rubber dicks, squishy vaginas, porno, blogs, websites and other creations that will bring in a fresh demographic wanting to by products that have been around for years. Brilliant.

Second place went to RodeoH, the new and clever dildo harness that fits like tightey whiteys. The audience loved the presentation and I think they are the coolest thing on the market since, well, the dildo harness was invented.

Third place went to Jopen's Intensity vibe which I think has a bigger audience in the kink community than in the medical one. Don't ask me why I think that  :)

Okay, so from Burbank to LA and AVN's Adult Entertainment Expo, which was squeezed into The Hard Rock Hotel. It was a mix of new manufacturers and buyers and I often felt that it blurred the line of adult industry buyers and fans, kinda like the old days in the Sands Convention Center before the B2B section was developed and promoted. I saw a few new things there and had a good time schmoozing, as always.

And then there was Valentine's Day. How was it for you? It's always the time to have your store well stocked, your website up to date, your products ready to roll.  Hopefully, your store has recovered and continues with strong sales this month and through the spring.

So be on the lookout for the next blog which I promise will be cranked out hot and fast... just like I like 'em.

And now for the JOTB:

Once an old man was brought to a nursing home to live out his final days. The first night he was there, he sat despondently on the edge of his bed and in walked a beautiful, buxom blonde who exclaimed "I'm your Hospitality Hostess and I'm here for Super Sex!"

After a moment, the old man gazed up at her with is tired eyes and sighed "I'll take soup."

Okay, so you know how I am about adult industry trade shows... in as few words as possible, I LOVE 'EM!  You get to see all the new products, meet with the manufacturers (or importers.... check my blog of July 21 to read about that clarification), see what's coming up on the horizon (because many times only the prototype products are shown before they are officially available), and best of all, schmooze to your heart's content with the movers and shakers of the industry.

I go to the shows to source new vibrators, dildos, cockrings, masturbators and miscellaneous sextoys and REALLY learn about them by kicking their proverbial tires: checking the quality, movement, sound, packaging, and price... basically learning much more than I could ever learn from a catalogue or a sales person calling me with the latest gizmos hitting the market. It's just not the same.

I know many store owners are barely hanging on ("Flat is the new UP" a well-known sex industry pal once told me) and for many of you, there will be an expense involved with flying (or driving) to beautiful, not-so-quite downtown Burbank for the upcoming XBIZ Retail Expo being held Monday and Tuesday, January 9 and 10 at the Marriott Burbank Airport Hotel but let me tell you why you should make the decision to attend. Besides actually being able to handle the products, the show allows you to expand your horizons ("I never saw anything in a shape like that!"), attend these really cool networking events like "Retail Speed Networking," "3 Minute Show Offs" where manufacturers get to give you the elevator speech as to why their product is the best, and the ever-important "Market Trend Symposium" to see if you've got what it takes to keep your store open for another year. It makes sense. And oh, there's that holiday to buy for that's the equivalent of the adult industry's "Black Friday" - Valentine's Day - which is sure to carry us forward for the next few seasons.

And there are a few other benefits to attend, the best one is that it's FREE to qualified attendees. What do I mean by qualified? Simple: if you're a store owner, manager, buyer, worker (and your boss takes really good care of you!), home party company owner or buyer, operations manager for an adult company, retail chain buyer (even in the mainstream market - think vibrators at Rite Aid), online retail buyer/operator, an adult business consultant (like yours truly), lingerie retailer (time to expand your product line and YES! there will be lingerie manufacturers there, too), then you're qualified. You can check out the website for the show which lists the exhibitors like the fantastic and innovative RodeoH harnesses (their first show!), and many others that includes distributors so you can go shopping for your best deals and perhaps find a new distributor. The best way to register is to send an email to events@xbiz.com with your name, address, email, phone number and proof of who you are (your title, company name, website, etc.) because otherwise, it's 100 smackers to get in and we wouldn't want that.

Ya think that's it? Noooo...!  Your admission to the Expo not only allows you to see the latest and greatest and attend the networking events, but you also get FREE admission to the whoppin' TENTH annual XBIZ Awards - the biggest night in the whole X-biz! It's a great party with over a thousand like-minded folks in attendance never mind enough eye candy to fuel your dreams til the 11th annual Awards. It's going to be held on Tuesday, January 10 at the fab-boo Barker Hangar at the Santa Monica Airport: a big, well, hangar, that's been party central on the Westside (an LA term) for a whole bunch o' years. It's definitely a do-not-miss show that gives us an excuse to dress up instead of taking off our clothes.

Okay, so you think that's it, right? Nope. The XBIZ Retail Expo is taking place back-to-back to the well known ANME Founders Show that's being held at the exact same place right before the XBIZ show.  Makes a lot of sense actually: the Founder's Show hosts the Big 5 manufacturers (California Exotic Novelties, Doc Johnson, Topco, Nasstoys, and Pipedream) and a lot of other larger manufacturers while the XBIZ show hosts not only the Founders but some other smaller, innovative companies, too. There's about a 60% cross over of companies that will be doing both shows so it would behoove you to attend both shows (okay, admit it, when was the last time you saw the word "behoove" on a blog?) and if you're limited on time, many people are attending the ANME show on Sunday and the XBIZ show on Monday, essentially attending 2 different shows within 2 days. Pretty cool, huh? The only hitch is that since it's a different show, it requires a different registration which is also open to qualified buyers so you might need to take an extra minute to register for that, too. Here's the link for registering for the Founder's Show.

So do try to attend the XBIZ Retail Expo in January. It's held only once a year and you really do want to get out of that cold, winter January weather, don't you? It'll be worth every minute. Trust me. See ya there...

Okay, here's some more JOTB (jokes of the blog) for ya...

What's the ultimate display of trust?
Two cannibals doing 69.

What's the definition of WASP post-coital depression?
Not being to reach the New Yorker from the bed.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

You know the old adage, "When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME."  Pretty clever, eh?  I got to thinking that there's the strong likelihood that people in this wacky adult industry assume a lot of things.  Let's take a look at our assumptions...

I really love going into adult stores. Porn stores. Peep shows. Arcades. Sex boutiques.  Porno theaters (what's left of them, anyway). You name it, I love it. That's why I opened Grand Opening! in 1993. But a lot of times, these assumptions can color one's perceptions of what they actually see and experience there. Ask anyone who works in a porn store with male customers trading hard-earned cash for slippery, silvery tokens that are only to be fed into a slot machine (no, not THAT kind silly!) - the ones that show a few minutes of a tired video (okay, in reality, a DVD) for the pleasure of a few anonymous moments, to watch the scene unfold in the privacy of their own booth, only to have the time slip away before the magic moment when the customer creeps out into the front of the store to embarrassingly plead for a few more tokens so he can slide back into the booth to finish himself off.

Now, who is that guy?  Old?  Young?  Well, that's pretty obvious by just looking at him but the rest is really an unknown. That gold wedding ring can symbolize he's married, so why is he in the booth with some other guy? Why is he watching that DVD "SheMale Strokers 28"?  There you go!  You can't assume that he's a straight married guy, living in the suburbs with his 2.2 children because ya just never know.

And you can never assume anything by looking at the people IN the DVDs either!  Watching those lesbian films of two (or more) girls going at it doesn't make them lesbians - I mean, they're in porno and they're acting, you know!  Or maybe they really are... you just can't assume anything.

Not only can you not assume their gender preference, you can't assume their gender either.

Now, let's take the fab porn star Buck Angel... have you seen him? If not, I highly recommend seeing his new DVD "Sexing the Transman." Yes, you read right.  One look at Buck and you'd be saying "Hey Dude! Let's meet at the local cigar hangout and light a few stogies together!"  He's a man's man - buff with strong tribal tattoos adorning his thick guns, goatee that circles a mischievous grin, tight ass that he knows how to use, and wait! What's that between his legs?!? It's, it's, it's... a pumped up clit! Yep! He's a transman and he's damn proud of it. Born as a female and now living and being 100% male. He owns what he proudly calls "A Man Pussy" and if you want to widen your sexual horizons, get his DVD and see for yourself.  He had several of his transman followers volunteer to be part of his groundbreaking video so they could show themselves to the world - transman junk and all. And no, Chaz Bono is NOT in the film and I can only hope he's seen it himself... but we'll never know. You can check out Buck's great website right here.

Now, as with all transgendered persons, each and every one makes their own decision as to what level of transsexualism they want to undertake. Is it merely identifying as the opposite gender? Is it taking the hormones of the opposite gender? Is it having "top" surgery (either breast augmentation as a male to female or "chest reconstruction" for a female to male which is basically a double mastectomy)? Is it having "bottom" surgery (which is perfected for males to females and done by creating a vulva with the scrotum and a vaginal lining from the external penis skin and for females to males, well, it's not quite as a perfected art but with the right amount of testosterone and a great surgeon, there can be some impressive results: check out the images here). Is it creating their own gender which makes them more comfortable in their being and not necessarily by subscribing to this or that gender. I own a sticker that says "Fuck Your Gender!" and that can sure mean lots of different things, including "Don't Assume!"

And of course, there's always the group that everyone ASSUMES is the only trans type of subdivision out there... the male to female transwomen (I guess that would be the politically correct reference), or affectionately called "Trannies." My favorite TS performer once said to me "I want to make movies but not have them called "Tranny Surprise!" or be of run-of the mill quality," and she not only is a total babe but comes packin' a real nice 8" - she's Tara Emory who also makes her SPECTACULAR costumes, too. Check her out here. Her videos are beautiful and resemble Andrew Blake's finest work... hey Andrew, time to spice things up and offer beauties of a different kind....

So, I'll sign off this blog about assumptions around gender.  I know my blog is about sex toys but letting go of assumptions, whether it be the gender, sexual preference, or the marital status of your customer, just keep in mind that it's always good to check your assumptions at the door especially in this wacky business we know and love.

And the JOTB which is fitting for this one (there's two)....

Once, a guy was dating a beautiful Thai woman and one time after having sex, he decided to ask her why she strokes his member for hours after he's done his business. He mustered up the courage and said "Honey, there's something I've been meaning to ask you... why is it that when we're done having sex, you stroke my cock for as long as you do?" and she looked at him and sighed "Because I really miss mine..."

And last but not least....

Speaking of testosterone replacement (for female to male transsexuals) and estrogen replacement (which is what a lot of male to female transsexuals take), how do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her...

See ya on the next blog...

Right now I am on the road, doing an in store training for a store located in Tucson, Arizona. Now, we all know we can learn from the internet, my blog, other people's blogs, XBIZ magazines, publications, company training materials (if available) but nothing can beat actual hands-on, one-to-one staff training about sex toys. I see this all the time when I go into a store, rally 'round the sales troops, and go through the products, category by category, sometimes item by item, to teach the sales staff (and oftentimes, store owners and managers) what the products do, how to use them, what makes one product better than another and, if the product warrants discussion, how it may help around medical needs of a customer (menopause, ED, disability issues, etc.). 

By having an in store sales training session, the staff can easily ask questions, absorb what they can by taking notes and open their eyes and ears about what all of these products are for.  With many stores moving away from heavy DVD sales as more and more people are moving into watching smut on the internet (dang!), the novelty areas are turning into the profit centers of the store, having a crack staff that knows product and how to sell it with personal customer service skills will separate the profit-making stores from the ones that are barely holding on.

The question I usually hear from male sales staff (since it seems to be a gender-based question), is, for example, from a male customer who asks a male clerk "I want to get something for my wife. What do you recommend?" The difference between reading my answer to this question and getting the answer in person with a training in the store, the sales staff can recommend the area of the store that might be appropriate for a first timer with basic toys which can be used internally or externally, giving the consumer the ability to make their own choice while giving them the guidance they need.

Many of the major manufacturers have several sales staff that tour the country to do in store sales training for the staff. These training sessions can be invaluable for your staff and I encourage any store owners out there to get on board with them. Many times the store visit will be based on your sales volume, how active the store is in staying on top of new products and innovations in the industry, and store location. The best way to make these arrangements is to go through your distributor in order to get on the map with the major manufacturers. Several distributors now conduct open houses or warehouse shows where the manufacturers' reps present their products which also present an excellent opportunity to learn although you would have to travel to the show instead of them coming to you.

How about bringing in a consultant to help with your sales and product knowledge?  As a freelance adult products trainer, I personally know that this can change the direction of a store, thoroughly train sales staff, bring new enthusiasm to the store and sales staff, work with merchandising and tailoring product to the store's demographics, and more, including quizzes to make sure staff has been absorbing the information being presented. Since I have no direct affiliation with any particular manufacturer or distributor and am innately familiar with the thousands of products available as well as having owned my heavily customer service oriented store, Grand Opening!, in the Boston area for 12 years, I have a knowledge of sales that few people in the adult industry possess. Also in the mix is my experience in training with romance home parties, too, so it's not just limited to stores.  I mean, it's really all retail no matter where you make your sales.

If you are interested in hosting a training, please contact me through the comments section of this blog and I'll take it from there (your comments are not publicly posted and go directly to me).

And oh, about the answer for that male customer wanting to get a new item for his wife, the question to ask is "It depends on what she likes" and simply scroll down to my blog of June 22 on "How to Buy a Vibrator..." to get more info on how to sell... at least through my blog.

Okay, now for the JOTB... here's a few one liners that are my favorites...

Q.  How do you circumsize a whale?
A.  Four skin divers

Q.  What's the difference between a used tire and 365 used condoms?
A.  A used tire is a Goodyear and 365 used condoms is a GREAT year!

Q.  Medical question:  Why is sperm white and urine yellow?
A.  So a guy can tell whether he's coming or going.

On that note, I have to scamper and do some training for those information hungry sales staff here in the Southwest.  See ya on the road!

Okay, so most of you know my background and if perchance you don't, you can scroll down all the way to the bottom of yours truly's posts and read it again if you'd like. Briefly, I started out as a shy consumer and now look at me! In 1993, I flew in the face of convention, leaving my high ranking position at Harvard University to sell rubber dicks to girls. I opened Grand Opening! in stodgy Boston and changed the face of sexuality retail in New England. We all have our own stories and I bet lots of you are thinking about how you wound up where you are now.

Now how and why, exactly, did we all wind up in this crazy business?  I always like entertaining the person sitting next to me on the plane when they ask "What do you do for work?" I always say "You'll never guess" and, because of my Martha Stewart-ish looks, they want to start with the freakiest job they can think of and they usually say "You're in the sex business." When I respond in the affirmative, their jaw usually drops in the bag o' peanuts and respond with "But you look so NORMAL!"

But that's why it works so well.  During my wacky time in this biz, I've come out with the most absurd yet factual information about sex and sex toys, calm people down when they say "I can't believe somebody would USE that!", describe uses of commercially available sex toys to medical professionals (who often seem like they've never had sex themselves - I mean, if you need to go to a sex therapist, at least go to one who looks like they're getting laid), prove to gynecologists that female ejaculation DOES exists (in a hotel room during a conference with a well-placed towel, thankyouverymuch) and most of all, speak from the heart and from experience.  I am not shy and like I always say, "I care what you think about but I don't care what you think about me."  Those words have carried me through other people's discomfort about their own sexuality and their opinion of mine and have also had people come up to me and say "I wish I were you."  Friends... I'm pretty easy, or it's pretty easy... I keep forgetting which is more true.

One of the many hats I've worn in the sex toy biz is that of "Director of Brand Development" and corporate trainer for a now-defunct home party company. Now home party companies are pretty interesting to me. I mean, I seriously wonder how many of these women (predominantly) are getting into the sex toy home party/rep biz because they want to educate and change the world around them and how many of them are getting into it to make a quick buck. Raise your hands! The feeling I gathered as I toured the country training hundreds of reps for this company was that it was about 50/50 split even though the reps were often in agreement that every single time they had a party, someone would come up to them, spill their sexual souls about some aspect of their sex life, halfway hoping that the rep would have something valuable to say to them or offer them advice or products that could help them with their answer.

I'm going to elaborate on that topic in a future blog but the point I want to make is that no matter WHAT you do in this biz, always be on the lookout for that piece of sexual information that you didn't know the moment you woke up this morning. There's things in the media, on the internet (and we know, don't believe EVERYTHING you read on the internet - except for my blog!), books, science, history, research... ask yourself questions, listen to what people ask you and if you don't know the answer, find out. If you're a retailer, home party rep, customer service staff, ANYTHING, find out the answer - you may even surprise yourself.

Now, in the spirit of information sharing, I am going to take a moment to shamelessly plug my long-awaited one woman show that is being staged in the lovely and intimate Elephant Theatre on Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood on Oct. 7-8-9. It's "Kim Airs' Home Sex Toy Party!" and it will go where no sex toy party has gone before. I mean, when was the last time you saw a rubber fist being presented at a bachelorette party that didn't belong to the hostess? With the same audience participation theme as "Tony and Tina's Wedding," I'll be presenting the wild and wacky side of the adult toy biz with lots of funny personal anecdotes and products that are available from my website www.GrandOpening.com. It's Carrot Top, Lucille Ball, Martha Stewart and Dr. Ruth all rolled into one and if you're in Southern California, I'd love it for you to be there. Here's the scoop for tickets and showtimes - click here: Kim Airs' Home Sex Toy Party! You can also check out the XBIZ article that just appeared on the site.

And I couldn't do the show without the help from a whole bunch of companies in the adult toy biz who not only make wonderful products but are also my friends, too. They are Pipedream Products, Nasstoys, Doc Johnson, Topco, California Exotic Novelties, Westridge Labs/ID Lube, Earthly Body, RodeoH, XBIZ, Sportsheets, El Dorado, and Williams Trading. I offer them my sincere thanks for their support for the show.

So keep learning, read articles, teach yourself, and get your ass to the "Kim Airs' Sex Toy Home Party!" show!  See ya there!

This JOTB (joke of the blog) has an academic theme since it's the beginning of the school year. It's one of my favorites...

So a college co-ed goes to her doctor for her physical and he notices a big, maroon "H" on her chest. He asks what it is and she gets all embarrassed and sheepishly admits "Um, I have a boyfriend, and he, um, goes to Harvard and he wears his T shirt all the time, um, so when we have sex, he sweats, and um, the shirt kind of..." and her voice staggers off.

The doctor responds with a "Hmmmm...."

The next co-ed walks in and she has a big "Y" on her chest. The doctor asks her what it is and she starts stumbling and says "I have a boyfriend and he, um, goes to Yale, and he wears his T shirt all the time and..." she continues with the same story.

The doctor nods his head again...

The third woman walks in and the doctor notices a big "M" on the co-eds chest. He figures he knows what's going on and blurts out "I bet you have a boyfriend at Michigan!" and she responds with "No, a girlfriend at Wellesley, why do you ask?"

On that note, I have to study for my show...

Okay, by now you're trying to remember what you learned in your sixth grade world history class for the dates between 600AD and 1500, roughly, well, gee, only 500 years ago.  Or maybe you're thinking of what kind of sex toys they had in the middle ages because this is XBIZ after all and this is my blog, Inside the Toybox by yours truly and it's all I write about.  You know, sex toys have been around since people have been having sex and I imagine it started with a rock, cucumber, potato, stick, and you get the picture.

But you know, many sex toy customers are LIVING in the middle ages!  Yep!  Many men and women in their mid-forties to their mid-sixties think this is the prime of their lives and since I fall into that range myself, I'm gonna put all of this in the first person.  Experience and wisdom are acquired with age and I'm damn proud to say that I've been around the block and played the field and am one of the happiest cougars out there but that's a whole 'nuther blog and website.

When I opened Grand Opening! sexuality boutique in the Boston area in 1993, there were no stores that catered to women, never mind women "of a certain age" as they like to call themselves (okay, so I didn't put that in the first person because I'm proud of my 53 years on the planet in excellent health, thankyouverymuch). So much has changed in those almost 20 years since I opened Grand Opening! and many of us baby boomers are grandparents and our sexual needs are waaaay different than those of you in your 20s (FYI - I missed the boat on childbirth because I wasn't at the dock - I was out partying and having fun which I continue to do).  Nowadays, aging men and women are more comfortable with talking about sexuality and a lot of that had to do with the birth of Viagra in 1997. ED? Before Viagra, we thought it was the name of the guy sitting at the end of the bar nursing a PBR.

So let's jump into the education wrinkle in my middle aged noggin' where I'll share my knowledge of aging and sexuality, much of which I have gained in my 13 year membership in ISSWSH - the International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health which I was asked to join upon its formation in 1998. This fascinating multi-disciplinary group of gynecologists, sex therapists, pelvic floor therapists, urologists and others was formed to find the Viagra for women and after all these years, no one has yet to nail it. But more on that later in another posting.

Probably the first aspect of women's middle age is menopause. It usually begins at age 35 (YES, 35 and I am sure many of you are shakin' your panties about this) when female hormone production begins its many year slide into oblivion. There are other ways to experience the lovely effects of menopause earlier in life and they usually involve hysterectomy: a partial hysterectomy generally means removal of the uterus and/or fallopian tubes but leaving the estrogen-producing ovaries and cervix or complete or radical hysterectomy which usually removes the entire reproductive system but usually leaves the vagina and sometimes the cervix in place. The reasons for hysterectomy can be plentiful: cancer of different parts of the system (ovarian, uterine, or cervical); endometriosis, which is a disease where the blood-thirsty cells of the lining of the uterus decide to take a trip around the body and swell up and spit blood out during a woman's monthly cycle which the body reacts with a big WTF?! because those cells usually wind up where they shouldn't be and the body automatically produces a spider's web knot of scar tissue around the wayward critters where they land; fibroids and cysts which are a big pain in the abdomen and there are probably a few other reasons that escape me right now.

So don't assume that you have to be middle aged to be in menopause - it can happen earlier, for sure.

There are other medical conditions which impact women's sexuality and some of them are physical such as vaginismus which is an unnatural tightening of the vagina that can be caused by vaginal dryness, atrophy from non-use which means these women don't have or do anything penetrative (perish the thought but it DOES happen), and sometimes by trauma such as rape or incest where the emotional pain of the experience causes "shutting down" of the vagina. Of course, this is a very delicate conversation a woman would have with her therapist, partner, doctor, and, I am sure many of you are nodding about: their friendly neighborhood sex toy salesperson.  Dysparuneia is another condition which translates into painful intercourse, aka fucking (damn, sometimes I get too freakin' clinical for my own good), vulvadynia which is a painful vulva area and vulvar vestibulitis which may occur when there is inflammation of the mucous secreting glands found in the skin around the vulva. Ouch. Painful fucking is fucking painful.

Back to those middle agers...

Since my blogs have to do with sex and the many wonderful aspects of it especially in the retail arena, let's say a middle aged woman walks into your store. It would be wise for you to give this customer some extra attention for many of the following reasons: 1. She probably has more disposable income than you do  2. She probably has more sexual experience than you do (MAYBE)  3. It might have taken every ounce of courage for her to step into your store instead of go on line to buy stuff 4. She was sent in my her gyno, shrink, partner  5. She's fed up with having a shitty sex life  5. She's dealing with one or more of the conditions mentioned or 6. All of the above

A great way to put her at ease is to give a tour of the store and focus on products that may hold some appeal to her like the more slender vibes (dysparunia), clitoral vibes (she might need a little more stimulation because of her hysterectomy), a non-vibrating sex toy (aka dildo) (vulvar vestibulitis), and, get this, a BUTT PLUG for vaginismus. Yep! The shorter size and gentle taper are perfect for this condition but you really don't want to say "These are usually made to shove up your ass but you can put it up in your too tight pussy, too." No, no, no, no. She needs to be gently told that the taper of these specifically shaped toys will allow her to gently expand her vagina comfortably and gradually and believe me, with your ever-expanding knowledge and her ever-expanding vag, you'll BOTH be happy and have a satisfied and returning customer.

And don't forget the lube. There are many varieties that work especially well and my favorite has always been ID Glide, which is thick enough not to go running off fingers, toys, butt plugs, whoops, vaginal expanders, etc.  ID Moments is especially mildly formulated and does not contain parabens or glycerin and more on that later so it's a great lube to recommend for your medically sensitive patients, whoops, I mean customers. Wet makes Wet Naturals which is very good, too, and there are several others on the market but that's another blog.

Okay, I have to go relax my vagina... see you on the next blog. And I haven't forgotten about you guys and ED and prostate stuff so hang in there... that'll be another blog, too.

Now here's the JOTB...

One time, this guy working in an adult store has to go run an errand so he asks his mother to work in the store for him. She has never worked there before and he briefly tells her the prices of things then he leaves the store.

Once he comes back, he asks his mother if she made any sales.  She says "Why, yes, I did!  I sold the small tan dildo for $9.95, the big black dildo for $15.95 and the huge plaid dildo for $24.95!"

He looks at her aghast and barks "WHAT? The PLAID one?!  YOU SOLD MY THERMOS!"

You know, after being in this business for over 18 years after founding Grand Opening! in 1993, I am always completely amazed by all of the gizmos that are constantly being invented and released by companies around the world. Products to stick in any available orifice, stick on any available wet spot, slide onto any naughty bit that compels you to do so and believe me, nothing is considered sacred. Butt holes, snatches, mouths... what else is there? I haven't seen anything to create an ear-gasm but I have a feeling it's just a matter of time.

Because you've been a steady reader of my blog, you already know the different types of materials that toys are made of but that's not my issue with this blog. My issue is this: how many manufacturers actually TEST the toys they sell? Learn how they work? How ANATOMICALLY CORRECT are they? Given my experience working for a major IMPORTER (see previous blog), I can confidently tell you that the answer is NO. They, as well as many other major manufacturer/importers, look at products to determine their sellability and that's pretty much it.

For this product testing blog, let's focus on Rabbit vibes...

Now, what is it with the damned RABBIT vibrators that reproduce like, well rabbits.  How many do we REALLY need? Anyway, looking at the several hundred that are out there, there's only a few that are actually anatomically correct. For example, I have worked with a foreign manufacturer who was stunned when I pointed out how close the interior G Spot is to the external clitoris and I am sure this is something he was aware of whenever he had sex with his wife. This manufacturer spoke very broken English but it didn't take too much to have him understand my hand signals showing him the position of the inside G Spot and the outside clit, while his wife was furiously nodding her head and smiling at me as if I had unleashed the Holy Grail of Female Anatomy. The toys that he designed were of the same design and thinking of so many other toys... that women always want long shafted vibes and we ALWAYS want one of those damn rabbits on them because we ALWAYS want clitoral stimulation on our long shafted toys. Well, not all of us do but that's another blog.

Let's play Mr. Science for a moment: if you want to really experience how far the clit is from the internal G Spot, here's something you can do as you read this. Make a claw shape with your hand, basically making the letter C with your thumb at the bottom and your fingers at the top (you can fold all the other fingers other than your index fingers for a better effect). Now, bend the first knuckle of your thumb and this is the general distance between the outside clit which is represented by the tip of your thumb and the interior G Spot which is now at the tip of your index finger. Not that far from each other, eh? Now go look at any number of those rabbit vibes and you'll see what I mean about how far the rabbits are from the magic G Spot stimulating twirling pearls (whether in a fixed rotation or not) or whatever the titillating, twirling, ever-amazing internal stimulation shaft gizmo that the particular toy offers.

There's just two rabbit toys that I have found that actually have it right. One is not even a rabbit but a dual stimulator that is the correct shape without having that cervix pounding, too long, "a guy must have invented this" shaft. It's made by Blush Novelties and it's the Beau Clit Stimulating Vibrator with Dual Motors that's waterproof, too! Now, if every toy manufacturer could base it on this perfect G Spot/clit distance, I'm sure there'd be lots more rabbits sold and a lot of them used more comfortably.

The other is the Silicone Deluxe Rabbit Pearl by Pipedream Products, which is one of my favorite toys. Here's why it's so great: it's a not-too-long silicone vibe with a section of twirling pearls that you can't see but trust me, they're in there. It has a rabbit, that, get this, is COMPLETELY moveable so you can put it on the shaft exactly where the rabbit will tickle your willing clit while the spinnin' pearls are gonna hit exactly where your G Spot is. Basically, it's a custom made rabbit just for you! (assuming you're a woman). But wait! There's more! (I told you this was my favorite rabbit) The rabbit has a removable small bullet vibe in its butt so you can have the bunny vibrate or use the small, vibrating bullet on its own, too. AND THERE'S MORE! The wide silicone ring that the rabbit is on stretches and is removable and becomes a comfortable cock ring that can be used by itself for a rabbit ring! And for those of you who like stimulating yourself mano a mano, you can loop the rabbit cock ring on your index and middle fingers, stimulate your clit with the vibrating rabbit ears and find your own damn G Spot. The only drawback is that it has a not strong enough two speed motor but this rabbit makes up for that in so many ways, including the button that reverses rotating direction.

Wow... thinking of hundreds of rabbit vibrators out there is making me horny. Product testing... it's a dirty job but I really love doing it.

Okay, this is one of my favorites for JOTB... (joke of the blog)

An elderly Jewish man comes back from an appointment and says to his wife "Sophie, da doctah tells me I got VD. Go look it up in the dictionary... I didn't wanna ask him what it was." Sophie returns with a huge smile on her face: she's beaming! She says "Hymie, Hymie! You have nothing to vurry about... it only affects the Gentiles!"

Well, what a crazy few weeks it's been here in Grand Opening!'s Sex Toy World! As you know, there were two back-to-back shows ("Can't we just all get along?") and the usual gossip between the two shows, none of which I'll go into here (or anywhere else for that matter). The two shows presented many different products: at ANE - anything from college team colored and packaged vibrators sold in a booth complete with a taligatin' electric powered hot dog griller (Sporty Vibe) to an electric zapping, vibrating, inflatable, internal, and the "don't forget we have to put a rabbit on it to sell" vibe (Cal Exotics) at ANME (aka "The Founders Show"). Parties were great at both places, attendance a little more at one than the other but I won't tell you which had what. As for location, for the ANE show, it was a little odd to be selling vibrators and dildos, masturbators and nipple clamps a few steps away from twirling juvenile ice skaters at the Pasadena Skate Center and I found myself tiptoeing daily into the rink after the show just to balance the smut and purity brainwaves in my overloaded cranium. I think that worked.

Now I could write about all the new things available at the show but for those of you who aren't that familiar with how these shows work, it's basically that they are the big Kahuna shows of the entire year and all of the companies race to have their products at least SHOWN at them but not necessarily have them in stock and available when you saunter into their booths. 

You know, it's funny, because I refer to the companies at the show as Manufacturers (and it's also included in the official name of The Founders Show, ANME - which is the Adult Novelty MANUFACTURERS Expo) but why is it that most of them say "Oh, we got our samples in from CHINA just in time for the show." Now wouldn't that make them more appropriately called the Adult Novelty IMPORTERS Show? That would then make them A-NIS and I guess no one wants to say that out loud in public, even in this business. 

And why are they constantly being called Novelties? 

Well, to tell you the truth, here's why (this is why I love to blog AND have ADD because I never know where my scribblings are going to go but I can tell ya that you'll always learn something)...

While I am not sure of the EXACT time and place they were starting to be called "novelties," I can sure guess (I'll update this blog when I get a definitive answer). 

HERE'S THE COOLEST UPDATE THAT I PROMISED!  Not sure if my wonderful readers have ever heard of this book, but there is a fascinating history of vibrators by the technology historian, Rachel Maines of Cornell University, who was kind enough to take the time and answer my inquiry about the history of the term "novelties" as it has to do with sex toys. The book is The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction (Baltimore MD: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1998) and if you're a sex toy geek like me, this book is already on your shelf. If not, get it and become the smartypants sextoy retailer you've always wanted to be.

Anyhoo, what she sent me is her deposition about vibrators that was used in Alabama's case against my pal Sherri Williams, where Alabama said it was illegal to sell sex toys and went after Sherri and her store. The case, if you're not aware, went all the way to the Supreme Court (yes, THAT Supreme Court) where the justices didn't want to touch ANYTHING about sex toys and vibrators and threw it back to the state to decide. I'm not sure where it stands right now but that's another blog.

So, you lucky readers, here's the link to her 44 page deposition which is incredibly interesting to read: Rachel Maines vibrator deposition. Download it, print it out and put this on the break table at the store where you work. You'll be amazed and thanks, Rachel, for your generosity.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog....

I'd say they were called novelties in order to not call them vibrators and it was probably in the 50's. Again, just guessing... but why are they continued to be called "novelties"? Aren't novelties something you get at the end freezer case in the ice cream aisle in the supermarket? Aren't novelties something you hand out at a 3 year old's birthday party? Aren't they something you get when you order a MickeyD's Happy Meal? Hey! What a marketing idea for McDonald's!  An ADULT Happy Meal!  Get a free novelty when you eat your Happy Meal consisting of something you probably can't order at McDonald's!

Okay, back to that pesky novelty issue. Here's the answer you've been waiting for and another tidbit. Ya ready? Today they are called novelties in order to skirt FDA approval at the docks! Yep! FDA says if it's a "novelty only" then it's not meant for insertion and therefore doesn't need to be tested for purity and contents. "Gee, they're really NOVELTIES," the importers can say. "We don't need no schtinking FDA approval!" So that's the reason why, in the teeny tiny little print on the bottom of the box and bottles, it reads "Sold As A Novelty Only." I won't even go into the veil many companies hide behind when it comes to quality... don't get me started.

I will say, though, that one of my favorite companies, Vibratex, has NEVER sold a product that states its a novelty because they have always stood behind the quality of their Japanese made products. Yes, sometimes their shipments are held at customs but the tradeoff for quality is worth it for them. They also have the ol' reliable Hitachi Magic Wand in their ranks, too, which has NEVER been an adult novelty, just created for those "hard-to-reach-places" like the middle of your gams.

And what's up with another statement used on adult NOVELTY packaging? You know the one "Do not use on unexplained calf pain." Okay, now that's NOT about Uncle Billy's heifer in distress on the farm... noooo.... ya ready for this one, too? Here goes: all those vibrator manufacturers don't want you to use them on your calves in case you have an undiagnosed blood clot in your legs, in which case, a vibrator could dislodge it and it may wind up in your heart leading to a heart attack or up to your brain, leading to a stroke.  Pretty cool, huh? About the vibrators, I mean... not the strokes.

Okay, so back to the shows. I'll let you know when my favorite picks from the show become available to the market in the next few weeks and months, or, in other words, when my ship comes in loaded with sex toys from the major IMPORTERS. I'll meet you at the dock...

And this JOTB (joke of the blog) is a good one:

Once this kid goes to the pharmacist to buy condoms for the first time. The pharmacist asks "How many do you want?" The kid nervously responds "Um, a dollar's worth." The pharmacist rings it up and states "That's a dollar, ten." The kid asks "What's the ten cents for?" The pharmacist answers "It's for the tax." "Ooooh!" the kid says, "I wondered how you kept them on."

Yes, on Thursday, July 7, starts the six DAZE of TWO back-to-back sex toy shows - the Adult Novelty Expo put on by Adult Video News in Pasadena and the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo in Burbank - try saying ANE and ANME in the same sentence - I dare ya! - so the ANME show is often referred to as "The Founders Show."

Why two shows you ask?  Well, once upon a time....

Back around 1995, the five major manufacturers, aka The Founders - Doc Johnson, Topco, California Exotic Novelties, Nasstoys, and Pipedream Products, decided that they couldn't do their business at the grandaddy of all adult shows, the big Vegas show in January put on by Adult Video News.  At that time, the show allowed everyone, including fans, to pester the manufacturers who were there to do business and sell within the industry, not to fans.  So the Founders decided to do their own show and only sell to those in the jizz bizz and the newly born ANME shows coincided with the Vegas show in January and the long gone VSDA show in July (does anyone remember what VSDA stood for? The Video Software Dealers Assn.) and has always resided in Porn Valley in various hotel ballrooms.

The show went swimmingly until 2005 when one of the founders decided to move the show to Vegas.  Well, the 4 other manufacturers decided they didn't want to have to schlep their wares across the Nevada border (4 of the 5 founders are in Southern California and 3 of these are in Porn Valley, the 5th manufacturer is in New York).  So along comes AVN who said "We'll run your show!" (I'm sure there was more than that said in negotiations) and thus, the ANE show was born.

Now, the ANME show that was supposed go off in Vegas caused much confusion with other manufacturers ("Which show should I attend?") and it turned out that not many people wanted to show or attend it in Vegas.  So the one ANME cast-off came back with skinned knees and asked to be included in the ANE show which was, at that time, held in Pasadena. His booth was not included on the main floor of the show (which had been sold out months before) and was in an adjacent hotel ballroom.

So this marriage between AVN and ANME continued until about three years ago when The Founders said "Hey! Let's take back our own show! We're paying big bucks to have booths at the show we started!" and then the ANME show was "recreated." ANE said "Screw you! We're gonna keep doing our own show, invite smaller manufacturers, and have a "let's-pat-ourselves-on-the-back" awards show for the adult products industry, too!" And thus, the divorce between the two shows wound up with both ANE and The Founders being custodial parents of the adult product industry shows.

Now, there are differences between the two shows. The Founders show has always been selective in who they allow to show at the show, focusing on themselves first, of course, and having the smaller, well established companies showing in smaller, satellite rooms of the hotels. The ANE show tends to have smaller companies, too, some new, some established. What is cool about the ANE show is that there are often companies who show at this show as their first foray into the adult product industry so you can always find some pretty nifty products that you might miss seeing anywhere else. The Founders show offers plenty of new whiz-bang gizmos from the major manufacturers as well as great products from established companies as well.

And of course I attend both shows and have never missed either The Founders show since 1997 and ANE (except for the ANE show which was in Miami last summer). Why do I attend the shows? Because, as owner of Grand Opening! (now on the web), I like seeing new products to add to the website, as my current position as a consultant to many aspects of the adult toy industry such as stores ("What products should I carry?"), to doctors and the medical community ("What should I recommend to a patient with vaginismus?"), to home party companies ("Which products will allow us to mark up 4-6x?"), to product developers ("Are there any other products like this out there?"), and other areas of this wacky business that I know and love.

I think I need a nap to charge up my body batteries for the six days of sex toy shows and the five nights of parties that happen at the same time.

It sucks being me....

And oh yeah, I forgot the JOTB... I was too focused on the two shows... so here it is...

Why do blondes love sun roofs?  

"More leg room!"

Why do blondes love tilt steering wheels?

"More head room!"

On that note, I have to go to day 3 of ANE and the first party of The Founders Show.  Whew!

We've all had a first time... first time love, first time sex ("You NEVER forget the first person you have sex with" I always tell my virgin listeners and I am sure, right now, you are all flashing upon who that person was for you), and, for many of us, you remember getting your first sextoy. 

If you're a retailer of these fabulous gizmos, you know you can be the person who changes lives forever for your customer by making the purchase of a first time toy a comfortable, memorable experience. I know this first hand. When I opened Grand Opening! in 1993, I didn't realize that creating a comfortable space and my love and enthusiasm of vibrators and sextoys would have such an impact on my customers. To this day, I have customers come up to me and say "I bought my first vibrator from you and I'll never forget the experience. Now I have lots of them!" Kinda like lovers, I think!

So how do you make that memorable experience in your own store? First, create a comfortable space that's inviting for EVERYONE, men, women (okay, maybe not children), for all sexual orientations, etc. (that's a whole 'nother posting for a whole 'nother time). 

Let's say your customer is a woman who is visiting an adult store for the first time (yes, there are plenty of women out there like this) looking to get her first vibrator or sextoy and has no clue what she's looking for. Your customer approach should be friendly and supportive while guiding her to make her OWN choice. That's important! How to go about this? Preface your questions like this: "I'm going to ask you a few questions that you don't have to tell me your answers but just think about them... What kind of stimulation do you prefer? Inside? Outside?  Either? Both? Not sure?" You'll see her thinking and sometime she'll share her information with you. Continue with "If it's outside, then a clitoral vibe will be good, like these bullet vibrators. If it's internal, then these types of vibrators would work such as the popular G Spot vibes or the more "traditionally shaped vibrators." They can also be used externally if you're not sure which kind to get OR if you like both internal and external stimulation 'cuz you'll never know what's on the menu on different nights! Also, if you just want the sensation of feeling full, dildos are great for that. Something to keep in mind is that a vibrator can be a dildo by just not turning it on, but a dildo usually can't be a vibrator, although there are many out there where you can take out the vibrator such as the Tantus line of silicone toys." Sometimes, she won't know what size to reference and I always mention "Think of a lover you've had and what size made you happy..."  (Notice no gender preference there? No "what size was he?" type of thing because you never know what someone's preference is when they walk into the door). 

Now this is probably THE most important thing to mention when someone is choosing ANY toy. I always say THE most important factor when buying a toy is to tell your customer GET WHAT APPEALS TO YOU VISUALLY. It's kind of like food: if you don't like what the food looks like, you probably won't want to eat it. Your friends might say "The Rabbit is my favorite toy" but if you're thinking that it might be too big or the gizmo looks like it's going to do too many things, then DON'T GET IT. It will only sit in a drawer and collect cat hair on it. By finding a toy that agrees with your eyes, it means that your body is agreeing to it too, since it will ultimately be your body using it. Your customer will be grateful for this information and guidance.

So use these tips in your brick and mortar store or if a friend asks you how to buy a vibrator or dildo. It works!

Okay, and on another front... in case you missed it, here's some good info about the ongoing "battle" between LA County health officials and those of us in the adult industry. Here's the full XBIZ report:  The dirt...

And here's the JOTB:  A woman goes to the produce department in a grocery store and picks up a cucumber.  The clerk comes up to her while she picks one out and says "Oh, those are 75¢ each and two for $1.00."  "Hmmm..." she says as she grabs a second, "I guess I could eat the other one."