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<i>Ron Royster: Escape from the Valley of the Dutch!</i>

Ron Royster: Escape from the Valley of the Dutch!

January 16, 2007
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I received a call from Atomic Vixens director Ron Royster the other day. He is the Vermeer of indignance.

"Man, people around the world are going out of their way to fuck me over," said Royster.

It made me sad that the U.S. had lifted the export ban on fucking over Ron.

"Some European company called No Tolerance released a movie called Atomic Vixens," he said.

"Not 'Zero Tolerance'?" I asked. "It's 'No Tolerance'?"

"Yeah, Man. I did a Google search for my movie and that shit showed up," he said.

No Tolerance's parent, Sunset Media, has other labels with names similar to those of established companies, like "Titanium Blue", "Metabolic", and "BBB".

Royster's movie is subtitled "Escape from the Valley of the Sluts!" and theirs is subtitled "The Horny Kittens!" I think subtitles with exclamation points make everything better, such as "The Da Vinci Code: This Book Sucks!"

Sunset Media's website says it eschews distributors and sends movies directly, adding: "Also, we are a listed company with the Chamber of Commerce in The Netherlands, instead of some small island?"

I tried my best to comfort Ron, but it was of no use.

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, instead of some small island?" I offered.

"I don't know, Man," he said. "I just want to eat pizza with pretty girls."

While I have not seen the Dutch movie, it does seem telling that the blue-shirted lady appears to be crapping the title.

Previously: Fixin' to Vixen; Royster to Los Ange;les: I'm a fool to do your dirty work; The Colostitute; The World is your Royster

See also: Eroticist Films


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